Right around the time my husband and I decided to marry, I
had gotten scared off the idea of a full-blown wedding when
I was bridesmaid for one of my dearest friends.  I was
deeply touched to be asked to stand witness~ And I was
amazed by the mountains of detail and expense that she had
to manage in order to create her magnificent wedding day.

At Lisa's wedding, I saw how many details a first class
wedding involves. Take the flowers, for example. There's
the bridal bouquet, flowers for the bridesmaids, the
boutonnieres for the groomsmen, corsages for the mothers,
the guest book attendant, the wedding singer, the garlands
for the altar, the basket of petals for the little flower
girl, and the centerpieces for the tables.

Tremendous. I looked at all those flowers being delivered
and was duly impressed.  Making a silent comparison to the
cost of a car, my thoughts quickly moved on.  There was
excitement in the air, and I was having a terrific time.

During the ceremony, the room was filled with powerful
emotions; an outpouring of blessings and joy. On the way to
the reception afterward in the limousine, we felt
lighthearted making champagne toasts to the happy couple.
So I am definitely not thinking the question, "Hmm. How
much is all of this going to cost?  All those flowers, the
limo, the tuxedos, and what about that beaded designer
bridal gown?"  I am just enjoying every moment of the
celebration.

For the reception, there are more flowers, truffles and
mints, wine, and conversation accompanied by a string
quartet. Then we sit down to a beautifully catered dinner,
followed by the groom and bride cutting into the tower of
cake on a table decorated by ice sculptures. Then, there is
the grand wedding dance with an orchestra.  It was all just
fabulous.

Lisa had spared no expense or missed any detail.  She had
begun organizing nearly two years before the wedding day.
That was necessary so that she could get the right church,
the desired reception hall, the right caterer.  These are
all booked far in advance.  (Start early if you want a big
wedding).  By the time the day arrived, Lisa had everything
under control.

Having been behind the scenes, I had a good sense of how
much effort went into putting that one special day
together.  And while I didn't know the exact amount, I'm
pretty sure the grand total of expense would have covered
the down payment on a house.

Between the issue of cost and the potential for stress
over organizing everything, when my fianc~ and I started
planning our wedding, we quickly decided to elope.
Arranging plane tickets to Hawaii, reservations for a
condo, and the documents for a civil ceremony were more
than enough details for me to manage.

We had a terrific time on Maui, with a brief ceremony
performed by a pleasant judge while the courthouse witness
took pictures for us.  For our wedding party we went to a
luau.  Then we came home, married.

There is no point having regrets, yet if I had it to do
over again, I wouldn't elope.  A marriage is something
between two people.  A wedding is for the strength of your
community.  The ceremony and ritual around it, having your
family and friends bear witness as you make your commitment
to your spouse - that's a cause for celebration. And
participation in rituals like weddings is what connects us
and makes our bonds with one another strong.

It isn't required that you have a designer dress, a
catered dinner, a string quartet.
What is necessary is the presence of people you care about
and who care about you to be there and witnessing the
moment when you vow to love and to honer one person for all
your days to come.  It is significant, and deserves
celebration and ceremony.

Articles by Beth Hayward on weddings appear regularly in
<a href="http://fcwedding.com">Wedding News</a> , the
favorite on-line letter for information about weddings.
You'll find more articles at http://www.fcwedding.com/

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